I’m a Pittsburgh-based writer with 13 years of writing/editing experience. I’ve been an internet writer for eight years; most recently I’ve worked for AskMen as a columnist and travel writer, and for SparkNotes as a blogger, illustrator, and dating-advice-giver.
SparkNotes
More Amazing True Facts
You cannot fold a piece of paper in half more than seven times. You might be able to, but you are not allowed. It is the law.
One out of every four animals is a beetle. Check your dog very closely.
Sloths move so slowly that scientists cannot even measure their speed without becoming very bored.
A headless cockroach can live on for several weeks. A headless person can also live on, but only in our memories.
25 Reasons You Secretly Believe You Would Totally Survive the Apocalypse
There are lots of possible apocalyptic scenarios, ranging from the plausible (debt limit catastrophe) to the implausible (zombie outbreak) to somewhere in between (fiscally irresponsible zombies have failed to raise the debt limit). Whatever the scenario, you’ve always secretly believed that you would survive it, and here’s why.
25 Ways to Get Your Crush’s Attention
Shout out “Hey, future husband!” and then, if he turns around, he is obligated to marry you, by the law of responds-to-shoutsies.
Annoying Misused Words
Like a cheap airport massage parlor, some word errors simply rub us the wrong way. Whether they’re due to misspellings or confusion or homonymnity, here are some examples that set our teeth on edge, like a cheap airport dentist (which is probably not a thing that exists, but would surely be inadvisable if it did).
How to Pack for College (and the Real World)
Otherwise you’ll arrive at your destination with twenty boxes of “THINGS,” “ITEMS,” and “MISCELLANEOUS,” and one that says Dole Bananas but contains almost no bananas.
Poems To Avoid This Valentine’s Day
As it turns out, you could do worse than send someone Gertrude Stein’s introspective grocery list.
Ghost Gifs
The Spark
Breakfast Is Futile
Worst Pickup Lines of 2014 and Ever
Hi, my name is insert name. *continues reading from phone* Click “next” for more pickup lines. One weird trick for a local mom weight loss
Disclaimers and Fine Print
DO NOT OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY WHILE OPERATING THIS SECOND PIECE OF HEAVY MACHINERY UNLESS YOU ARE REALLY GOOD AT IT
AskMen
Top 5: Badass Literary Figures
Thomas Malory was eventually pardoned, captured again, pardoned, captured again, then died, from which he was not pardoned.
Interview of Sir Robin Knox-Johnston, the first man to sail alone and nonstop around the world
He looks, and is, uncannily similar to the “Most Interesting Man in the World” in those Dos Equis commercials.
Contact
I’ve done a lot of work that isn’t linked here, so if you have any questions, please contact me here, or reach me more quickly and directly at jonskindzier at gmail dot com.
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/jonskindzier